The Art of Depression, The Craft of Anxiety

Art by Haniutek

The Art of Depression, The Craft of Anxiety

I have put off writing a new blog post, but the reasoning has nothing to do with lack of topics to write about, or even a short supply of work I could share.  It's time we had a little chat though. I've found for the last several weeks that I have suffered from a different kind of beast, one that I wager many of us have faced, currently face, or will eventually face. 

Depression.

There is a documented and researched correlation between creativity and mood disorders.  Artists, writers, musicians, they all have a far higher chance of suffering from anxiety, schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, depression, and more.  They have a higher rate of suicide and substance abuse because of these issues.  We can all list at least five creative geniuses that have changed the world with their art and suffered whilst doing it, and they'd all be different.

Further documented is the effect creating art and crafted items has on the brain.  Without realizing it, those of us that suffer have reached out to what is intrinsically a meditative practice of mindfulness. When we crochet or knit our body and mind go through physical changes.  Our breathing becomes slowed, steady, and passive.  Our body relaxes in a sitting position.  Our mind is forced to think about our hands in relation to the hook or needle, the formation of stitches, and most importantly the simple counting that comes with the craft.  When we paint we are whisked away by the details and colour theory.  When we draw we are mindful of things like perspective, line shaping, and shading values.

Now, I know you're saying to yourself: "But hey, I think about all sorts of things while i craft.  I can watch television, or hold conversations. I'm not thinking about all of that stuff."
You would be incorrect.

See, our mind continues to work 'under the surface', continuing the counting and awareness even while you're doing other things. In fact, doing certain activities while crafting has a lot of benefit because of this.  Some studies have suggested that knitting during lectures actually aids in the retention of information and understanding of the material provided.  The theory is that by entering into this mindfulness technique you are able to be more open and aware to what is going on around you.  Your subconscious mind is busy counting simply and moving your hands to create stitches and is no longer able to think about whether you left the oven on, bills, or other worries.  It frees you up to be in that moment, in the lecture, able to really listen.


So what does all this have to do with why I haven't blogged?

The nature of depression can often make simple tasks difficult.  Getting out of bed, making lunch, all these can feel like climbing Mt. Everest with nothing but a varsity jacket and a fork for equipment.  It zaps all of your energy and makes you lose interest in things you love. It also makes you not want to do the things that your rational brain knows will be helpful.  It makes you believe that it's not worth it, or that you're too tired, or that your work is terrible and everyone hates it so what's the point in getting out of bed in the first place, because you're a worthless human being and everyone only pretends to like you.....

See the problem?
Who can function that way?

The answer is, not many.  It's estimated that 6.7% of the American population is suffering clinical depression every year.  14 million Americans having their hopes and dreams zapped from them by this unforgiving disease.  Some may be suffering temporarily, some may find relief from their Faith or support of their family, some will seek professional help.  Some, however, some suffer in silence.  Or worse, they reach out for help and do not receive it.

We as a (American) society have decided that the only way to get through life is to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and 'just do it'.  This is all well and good, until that mentality meets something like depression and anxiety.  These illnesses are clinical, and real.  If I had a penny for all the times I've heard that 'it's all in my head' I'd be able to pay off the ridiculous level of student debt I have. The chemical changes that occur in your body as the result of depression and anxiety are very much real, and not something to be dismissed out of ignorance and lack of education.

I have suffered from depression for over half my life.  I've suffered crippling anxiety for nearly as much time.  In the beginning I hid it from everyone.  I hid it because I didn't think they'd believe me, or that they'd care.  I found other methods, more destructive methods, or coping with my illness.  It wasn't until eight years or so ago that I really made an effort to truly get help.  To give therapy and medication an honest shot.  It was also when I rediscovered my interest in crochet, which I have used as a tool to keep calm and relaxed.

There has been improvement over the years, but I am nowhere near 'cured'.  I am one of those that has such a severe case of both that daily life is often too difficult.  We have not found the effective therapy or medications to alleviate my symptoms, but my team and I keep trying.  I'm thankful to have the support of family nearby, and the medical coverage provided by the state to get the help that I need.

I craft for my sanity.  I create beautiful things because I have to believe they can exist.

We as a society need to get over this fear and stigma surrounding these disorders.  We need to educate ourselves, and recognize the signs that someone may be suffering.  We need to fund those organizations that provide therapeutic services, and make them easily accessible for everyone. We need to quit tearing each other down on social media.

Chibird

Those of you out there who suffer like I do, I want you to know that you are not alone. That you absolutely have value, and that your work does as well. Artists are their own worst critics, and when you combine it with these very legitimate diseases it can become severely overwhelming.  Enough to stop making art. The irony is, creating that art is one of the most therapeutic things we can do. Don't let that gremlin voice in your head talk you out of seeking help, out of wanting to get better. Like the cake, everything it says is a lie.   

So next time you're commenting on facebook, take a moment to ask yourself if this person might be one of the 6.7%.  Next time you want to criticize someone for being lazy, or always negative, recognize that it could have a very real and destructive underlying cause.  Suicide rates are on the rise, and until we make a conscious effort to improve this, we will continue to lose those that we love. 

For more information on depression, and how to help yourself or others who may be suffering, please visit nami.org